An outgoing introvert

I'm what you may term an "outgoing introvert". I make my living as an art teacher, a position of leadership and demanding of my performance as an educator and entertainer. When given cause I can provide outstanding customer service, reading individuals like books, whilst catering my behavior to their comfort and boundaries. People are my specialty.

All of this to say I am not a shy person, just very inward focused. I turn to internal dialogues, moods, and exist as part of a continuum with my environment. When my environment is feeding me good energy and vibes I will be at center stage, humoring you with my absurd improv and wit. When my environment is feeding me bad energy and vibes, however, I will retreat inward and become lost in my thoughts.

A poor upbringing has left me obstacles to overcome in my adulthood. Social anxiety being paramount to most of those obstacles. Take away my script, my role, and the guidelines for my behavior and I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm not the teacher/leader? Then I am a nameless shadow. This isn't my show? Then I am facial ticks and odd behaviors.

I have heard it said that unmet expectations are the source of most strife between people. Whether we've let down our own expectations or someone else's. I am weighed down by what I perceive as my inability to perform at the level others expect of me, this is perhaps part of my anxiety, or a manifestation of the perfectionism I have fought hard against since childhood.

I find my energy in both the quiet moments -- undisturbed moments with a book or whilst creating art -- and the meaningful communication with people whom I trust and cherish.